revisiting the past
by kidishcaresh
Summary: Written for the writers anonymous time challenge. Warning major spoilers for those who haven read the episode Zero mangas yet! Someone is taking a rather realistic trip down memorie lane.


**This is a story for the writers' anonymous forum's time challenge! Hope everyone likes it! Might add more chapters if it's liked well. Maybe have the other 4 go through a similar experience. I'm having a lot of fun writing this and at some parts I'm even crying…This is based on the episode Zero manga series of this fandom which tells you the history of the main characters.**

**Summary: WA time challenge. One of the characters after falling into a coma while returning from a mission looks back at his life. Will add chapters if liked well enough.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but I like to think I do.**

**Warnings: Cursing, offensive and violent scenes and near rape.**

**The words in **_**italic **_**are the main character's thoughts about his younger self and his past.**

**Total word count:**

**Chapter 1, Kid**

'Damnit, damnit, damnit…' I growled mentally. This was not one of my better days. Crouched with my back against the wall near a corner gun held by the side of my face. Left of me a large metal plate of at least 5" thick blocked the way I'd come from. Around the corner a rough 50 men armed to the teeth awaited me and the hall I could look into from here was a dead end. This was just not my day it seemed.

'Damnit I'm never gonna make it! No stay calm…panic will get me nowhere…let's see 50 me…it's a wild guess but if I can just make it onto the shuttle I'll at least have a chance but…either way it's gonna be a lose lose situation' I thought grimly loading my gun. I checked my ammo. I had seven rounds left on this cartridge and 2 more cartridges with 10 bullet's each in my pocket.

"Well here goes nothing. TAG ALONG ON MY JOURNEY TO HELL!" I yelled running around the corner and shooting without really aiming at everything that moved. The adrenaline took over as I shot people left and right while making a dead man's sprint for the shuttle. I didn't even feel the bullets lodging themselves into my body.

I didn't expect it but I made it to the shuttle. I jumped into the pilot seat and started it up setting it on a pre-calculated course to Brussels. Breathing heavily and bleeding even worse I put on the headset and opened the HQ's private channel.

"This is private Death…am on my way back from…data retrieval mission…mission was successful but…am severely injured…will probably not make it to pre-calculated destiny…B-Brussels alive…suffering severe blood loss from multiple bullet wounds…think my spine might have gotten hit…can't feel my…body…will soon slip into coma…disk in chest pocket left…..pri…vate…dea…th….out…………………………."

Faintly I think I heard my name called but it was too soft. Then it got stronger…louder.

"Kid! Kid wake up!" I opened my eyes slowly and saw myself sitting up and rubbing my err his I guess eyes.

'_God Heero's right I do look like a girl…maybe I really should consider cutting my hair.' I thought watching myself get up._

"Hurry up Kid! All the good stuff will be gone!" Fingers yelled. I eh Kid got up yawning.

"Yeah yeah hold ya horses Fingers…geez." Kid muttered getting up and following him out of the office and into the main room of the abandoned warehouse next to the junkyard that had become our home. I followed well…me. '_Ain't that funny? In a twisted kinda way…'_

The other kids were already there. Most were standing around waiting and Fingers and Kid joined the group. Just like every morning they all waited for our big brother Solo to come down from his sleeping spot. When he did things went about their usual way. We ate what little food was left from the other day and set out on our own to get more. We all had our own area to work. That's how it went down and no one complained about it.

'_The law of the street. An unwritten and unknown code. No one really knew who first made it or even why but we all obeyed it. That's how we managed to survive as long as we did…how I managed to survive…Back then I thought that we'd stay together forever…me, Fingers, Solo and the others…but I learned the hard way that it didn't work like that…the law of the street is a harsh one.'_

Come to think of it this is the day it all started to change...

"Leave her!" Solo yelled pulling me along and running away from the little girl laying there.

"But she's hurt we gotta help her!" Kid cried back.

"SHE'S DEAD KID! SHE'S DEAD!" Solo yelled slapping me across the face.

"Don't you understand?! She's dead…she's not gonna get up…she's gone…forever…" he then said eyes cast to the ground.

"But…she's right there…" Kid murmured. That was the first time I saw someone die. She'd gotten hit by a car and I'd wanted to help her but Solo pulled me with him as I watched her lay there blood pooling around her little frame. I didn't understand what it meant to die.

'_If I had I wouldn't have looked back…I'd have run too…so I'd remember her as she was…not the way she lay there…and things went from bad to worse…'_

Weeks went by and time did too…at least I think it did. Just like all street kids I had no sense of time whatsoever. Solo had become more and more quiet as more and more of our group got sick and died.

"We need medicine…it's been on TV…they're givin' injections to the people at th' local hosp'tl…we need s'me too…but they ain't givin' th' poor people…if only we could get s'me we'd be okay then…" he murmured before coughing badly again.

'_The plague…it swept all across L2…if you had money you lived if you didn't…well then you'd best pray to whatever deity would listen…Solo tried to keep up a good face but we all knew he had it too…'_

I waited till late that night staying by Solo's side until he finally fell asleep. I was the only one of us that hadn't get gotten sick. I probably had the sickness too but I didn't yet get the signs. I cried myself asleep after some time and woke with a start in the middle of the night. I looked around and got up.

'_What the…where am I- oh yeah right medicine…gotta get it…'_

I ran as hard as I could all the way to the other side of the town where the hospital was. Once I got there I looked around and dove into an air duct. Inside the building I snuck around a few seconds till I found sick people getting injected after they paid. I followed the nurse who brought trays of syringes with the medicine to protect and cure us from the sickness we had. Once she filled her tray I took my chance and swept her feet out from under her. As she fell I caught the syringes and bolted out the door. I didn't stop for anything and I didn't count how much medicine I had nor did I know how much everyone needed but I decided I'd figure that out when I got back. Running as fast as my short legs could carry me and dodging the bullets from the Federation soldiers who followed me trying to get the medicine back from me, during which I lost several syringes because they either fell or got shot to pieces. It took me 5 hours all in all but I got the medicine.

"Solo! Solo I got medicine! It's gonna be okay I'll make us all better!" I called. Solo grinned and gave me a thumbs up.

"Good job kid! Now hurry a full syringe for each that guy on the TV said." he said smirking.

"But…I only have six…" I murmured worriedly.

"Listen to me kid...it's okay…give the others first…" he said coughing violently. I nodded and injected the other 5 kids of our group that had made it through the night first.

"One left." I murmured walking back to Solo. He needed it more than me.

"No…" he coughed badly now some blood trickled down his mouth.

"No…y-you take it…" he now said quietly. He couldn't sit up on his own anymore and leaned on me heavily his shaky weak hand holding my wrist as I was about to inject it.

"But-" I started as he took the syringe from me.

"No buts…I'm not gonna ma-ma…" he coughed again nearly dropping the syringe but catching it before I could.

"I ain't gonna live Kid…I'm spend…sides you need medicine too…" he then whispered.

"No Solo! You take it! I-I can get new medicine at the hospital! I'm not yet sick from it! You need it more than I do!" I cried trying to pull the syringe from his hand but he was even in this state quicker than me and jabbed the syringe into my leg.

I stared at the syringe as the liquid inside it slowly sunk into my leg and cried quietly.

"You idiot…why'd you go n do that?" I cried hoarsely.

"Cuz you need th' live Kid…and…even with medicine…I ain't gonna make it…I was sick first…I…am gonna die…it'd be a waste o good medicines which you….need more than me….P-promise me ya'll look over the young'ns kay?" he whispered ruffling my hair weakly.

"I will…please dun die! I dun want to be alone again…y're my brother…y' promised…" I whimpered quietly. He smiled that smile that I love of him that smile that made it all okay even though it wasn't.

"Listen…y' gotta be strong kay? Y-y're th' man now…watch over them…y're not alone silly…y' got m……e……" he murmured. I cried out a sad and pained cry and stayed sitting there with him all night sobbing into his chest.

'_My brother…the only family I had…gone…'_

The next morning the other 5 woke from their medicine induced sleep and stared at me frightenedly.

"Where's Solo? Where'd the others go?" Fingers asked quietly.

"They're gone." I said quietly.

"When'll they c'me back Kid?" Sue asked shivering lightly.

"They ain't comin' back Sue…n my name's not Kid…" I murmured getting up.

"K-kid?" came their joined frightened question.

"It's Duo now. I ain't alone and I ain't a kid no more. C'mon we gotta get goin'." I said getting up and walking off. Without arguing and without question they followed me. I was their leader now. I'd watch over them as I promised Solo.

'_Time passed quickly from then on and I made sure the 6 of us had food and a good place to sleep. I protected the other 5 whenever they got in trouble or some pervert tried to get them and every night I'd wonder if Solo was watching us and if he were proud of how we were doing. It was hard without him but I did my very best to be a good leader.'_

"Run run run!" I yelled pushing Fingers ahead of me.

"Come back here you brats!" the angry shop keeper asked.

"Ha! Charge it to the federation army!" I yelled back ducking into an ally and bumping into someone. I dropped the apples I stole and quickly picked a few up whimpering in pain.

"I'm sorry." the man I bumped into said. I looked up at him confusedly then behind me.

"Come back here!" the food shop man was close so I got up and jumped over the man.

"Sorry old man!" I called back running off.

We made it back to our home…or what we considered home and set to eating while we had the chance.

'_It wasn't like there was enough to eat 2 days from anyways…lately the food has become increasingly harder to get by…'_

"We pulled it off again, huh, Duo?" Fingers said grinning

"Yup. Tomorrow we're gonna sneak into the army warehouse." I said smirking.

"What?! Won't that be a bad idea?" Fingers gasped staring at me.

"If they catch us, we're dead." Liza said quietly.

"We're lucky we're still alive, anyway. Why not do what we can!" I said taking an apple and taking a bite from it. I stared up at the stars through the hole in the roof. It was true. We barely had anything to eat or drink and this was the best we could do for a roof over our head.

"Finish your food n go t' sleep. We gotta be wide awake tomorrow." I said getting up.

'_Things didn't go the way I planned…the minute we got out with the food they started shooting.'_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! RUN RUN RUN!" Liza cried running off and dropping her food. We all followed suit.

"Why'd they have to start shooting right away? Are they serious?!" I called out running off with the others.

" The army doesn't care even if they shoot women and kids." Fingers said angrily.

" Damn!" I cried as we ran as fast as we could to our hideout. It was to useless though. In no time at all they had us surrounded in our own place.

'_Damnit why? They got all the food they need! More than they can eat even! What's a few apples n bread less gonna make for difference?!'_

"Go away! We didn't do anything. What've we done anyway?!" I yelled angrily.

"Don't say you haven't done anything! You just stole from the army, you fools!" one of the men who captured us yelled.

"Well, we live here! After they destroyed it, what do you expect us to do?" I yelled again.

"The Maxwell Church just agreed to take you all in. Be thankful!!" another man said glaring at me.

"Church?" I said incredulously.

'_Why'd a church take us in anyway? It dun make sense…'_

That same evening the 3 of us left after the shooting at that base sat together in a room of the church. We were all washed and got clean clothes….itchy clean clothes and the sister of the church was doing everyone's hair now mostly combing it.

"Duo your turn come here." she said sweetly. I grumbled but sat down slowly. She started to comb my hair which hurt a lot and like the other two I cried and yelled at her but she combed on until all knots and things were out of my hair. She then left a moment and returned with scissors.

"NO!" I cried trying to run away but she grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"Quit it! I'm telling you, stop!" I yelled angrily. I struggled in the seat while she held me down.

"What's wrong?" Father Maxwell said walking in.

"This child doesn't want to have his hair cut!" the sister said accusingly.

"Ya got that right!! I can't stand to wear these weird clothes, I'm sure as heck not gonna put up with having my hair cut!" I yelled angrily. My hair was mine it was about the only thing I had belonging to me and she wasn't about to take that from me too.

"But it's all mussed up and dirty..." the sister argued.

"It's fine!" I yelled.

"Sister Helen, do as Duo says." the father said calmly.

"But..." the sister argued. Father Maxwell nodded calmly and smiled. The sister shook her head some and started to do something with my hair she called braiding it.

"Alright, I'm finished. You don't have a problem with that, do you?" she said once she was done. I tried to look at my new hair and grinned.

"This is awesome! I can steal anything without it getting in my way." I said happily. The sister sighed and shook her head some.

"Are you still carrying on like that?" she asked me.

"As long as you stay with us, you do not have to steal, Duo." Father Maxwell said smiling at me.

"Oh, right. Not a thief no more, instead I'm a beggar." I said thinking about his words a moment.

"A beggar?" Father Maxwell asked apparently confused.

"The Church gets money from the people's donations, right?" I said raising an eyebrow.

"This kid…" sister Helen said shaking her head.

"I suppose that's right." Father Maxwell said smiling.

"Yup! Don't pretend!" I said smirking.

'_A long time passed by and all the kids got adopted. Fingers even got a new name Riku which she liked very much. Even I got adopted at some point but after a few days I got brought right back. I didn't know why or what I'd done and it went like that every time I got adopted and after a few years they didn't adopt me anymore saying I wasn't young enough for their liking…Father Maxwell and Sister Helen then decided they'd let me stay at the church with them and send me to school to learn stuff.'_

"Wait! Duo! You did it again, didn't you?" Sister Helen yelled running after me and catching me.

"It was their fault!!" I cried struggling in her grasp. Sister Helen sighed.

"Duo, you put those children in the hospital. How come you say that they were the ones who did wrong?" she said quietly. I looked at her feeling guilty now

"... Yeah, but..." I started.

"What did they say to you?" she asked. I blushed slightly in embarrassment

"They said I smelled dirty." I then said sadly. I was surprised though when instead of getting smacked across the face like anyone else would do she hugged me to her.

"What..." I asked blushingly.

"You don't smell dirty, at all." She said smiling.

"Really?" I asked in disbelieve.

"Really. So the next time they say things, just ignore them." sister Helen said smiling at me.

A few days later I sat at the table with Father Maxwell and sister Helen. We were talking about heaven and god and about the war.

"So you say you don't believe in god Duo?" father Maxwell said disbelievingly.

"Nope. If there were a god there wouldn't be war." I said decidedly.

"God doesn't make war people do." sister Helen said.

"And people have to finish what they start." father Maxwell said nodding.

"So then it doesn't matter if there's a god or not." I said simply.

"That's not true!" sister Helen said disapprovingly.

"I think the only God in this world is Shinigami!" I said after some thought.

"You don't believe in god but you do believe in the god of death?!" sister Helen said staring at me in disbelieve.

"Yup. Cause I have seen lotsa dead people but I ain't never seen a miracle!" I said excitedly. sister Helen looked at me funnily and father Maxwell just laughed.

"It's very hard to argue with you." he said cheerfully.

"You're an interesting child." sister Helen said shaking her head some.

'_My time at the Maxwell church was always full of laughter but just when I thought things finally looked up for me…'_

"Uhh..."

"Hang in there!"

I watched as soldiers came into the church carrying injured comrades and sister Helen treated their injuries while the others discussed their next plans.

"We have destroy the Federation's G2 Point Base! It's the only thing left for us to do!" the commander said.

"Yes, sir!" the other soldiers said.

'It's going to start all over again? We've all been happily living here, until now...' I thought angrily glaring at them all.

"All we need is one Mobile Suit! If we could get just one, our freedom is assured!" the commander sighed.

"Isn't it enough?" father Maxwell said. It surprised me and the soldiers too it seemed.

"What?!" the commander yelled angrily.

"I believe Heero Yuy said it before. We colonists did not come into space to fight. Whatever happens, we should not fight." the father went on.

"You! Try saying that again!" the commander howled angrily.

"I will! And I shall say it as often as possible. We mustn't fight." father Maxwell repeated.

"You...!" one of the men yelled at father Maxwell.

"Shut up!" he yelled hitting the father in the face with his gun.

"Bastard!" I yelled angrily.

"stop! Don't do any more!" sister Helen cried stepping between father Maxwell and the soldiers

"Shut up. All of us have to be united! Why do you have to preach peace and stir up confusion at a time like this?!" a female soldier yelled slapping sister Helen and adding to my rising hate for them.

"They might be Federation spies..." one of the men said.

"It's possible, isn't it?" another commented.

"N-no...!" sister Helen cried.

"Shall I make them confess?" the first guy said smirking.

"Wait!!! One Mobile Suit is good enough, right?" I said loudly.

"What?" the commander said staring at me like I'd gone insane.

"I'll steal one for you! In exchange for that, you guys are out of here, right? This is a place for peace." I said glaring at him.

"Don't give me that nonsense kid!" the leader said angrily.

"I run, and I hide, but I never lie, like you guys do!" I said angrily.

"What?!" the commander said disbelievingly as he realized I was serious.

"Duo! Stop!" sister Helen yelled trying to keep me from leaving.

"I'll get a Mobile Suit and bring it here for you!" I told the commander running down the streets

'_Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! [He says out loud,] Why!? Just a little while ago, everyone hated war! Why does it have to start again?'_

"Intruder!" I faintly heard a soldier yell.

'_Sure, I hate the Federation Army! But... But...'_

"Stop! Stop or we'll shoot!" he yelled again getting his gun ready.

'_If they want war so much, why don't the people who enjoy it fight each other and leave us alone?!'_

"S-stop! He's just a kid!" the soldier told his comrade.

"Doesn't matter! We're to kill all the colonists!" the comrade said not stopping.

'_All you do is make orphans like me...!_ ' I thought reaching a hall filled with trucks which I knew had Mobile Suits on them.

"That's it!" I said running at one and leaping in.

"Hey! Who the hell are you?" I heard the soldier yell but I ignored him driving right past him.

"Don't let him get away! Shoot! Shoot!!" I heard him yell when he realized what I did.

'_It's just by chance that I'm still alive. I might as well be the one to do the dirty jobs...'_

"It can't...be..." I whispered staring at the ruins of what had not an hour ago been the church.

'_No!'_

"Du...Duo..." I heard sister Helen's weak voice. I looked around frantically and found her lying among the rubble with blood trickling down her mouth. I gasped and quickly dropped to my knees by her side.

'_Please be okay!'_

"I'm so glad... You're alright, aren't you?" she said quietly.

"Sister!" I cried grabbing her hand.

"Don't worry us like that. The Father was thinking of you until his very last moment..." she said weakly.

"I-I'll call a doctor right away!" I said trying to get up but her hand kept mine and I looked back at her.

"The Federation Army has come. We can't... leave here..." she whispered now her strength quickly leaving her body.

"Is- is it my fault? Because I stole a Mobile Suit from the Federation?!" I asked miserably.

'_Why?'_

"The Father was... a wonderful example... He preached peace to... everyone... till the end..." she told me weakly smiling.

'_S-stupid…'_

"What do you mean, wonderful?! He was just stupid, wasn't he?! What did he accomplish by getting himself killed?" I asked smiling sadly. I could see his dead body close by and wanted to cry but I couldn't.

"Duo..." she whispered all strength gone from her body her eyes glazing over…

"Duo…"

"Duo…"

"DUO!"

'_W-wha…who's there?'_

"Thank goodness he's waking up!"

'_That voice…familiar…'_

"Duo can you hear me? Can you say something?"

"Q-Quatre?" I asked staring in the teal eyes of my blond friend as if he were a complete stranger to me.

"Oh right…failed the mission...I must've been dreaming again…it all seemed so real…" I murmured.

"It was only a dream Duo…we thought for a second you'd not pull out though…" he said quietly.

"No…it wasn't a dream…it really happened…when I was a kid…" I murmured shivering lightly as the hospital shirt was not made for keeping people warm.

**Finished. I know somewhere down the story the Adult Duo's thoughts seem to gradually lap over with those of little Duo AKA Kid. I did that on purpose as the idea was that at first he'd be aware of it being flashbacks somehow and he'd be sort of floating in nothingness while watching his memories playing by but gradually he be pulled in sort of and relive the past in a way. For those who know the fandom well and have read the episode Zero you'll notice that at some parts I directly quoted and at some parts I gave the text my own style this because some parts would come out better in my own words whereas particularly near the ending the actual lines from the episode Zero seemed to fit better. Duo's episode Zero is without a doubt the most tear jerking back story of the entire Gundam Wing series.**


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